Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They took my balls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
