When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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