You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
