so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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