Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
