I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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