If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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