Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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