She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
