East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I had your ass I would rule the world
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
