I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize