my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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