Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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