since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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