Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
