my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize