Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
