Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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