Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
