I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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