I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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