You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
