wanna go halves on a baby?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
