We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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