I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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