I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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