oh fat girl friday strikes again...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
