he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
