you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize