Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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