She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
