Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
