I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
