i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
