I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's never too late to be topless.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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