His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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