Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
