Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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