you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
