remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
