The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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