K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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