FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
