with your own penis?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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