I am midnight drunk by noon
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
