k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize