I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
