I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
