Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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