shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
