she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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