My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize