Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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