Got a toothbrush?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
