Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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