Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
