No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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