It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
