First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize