Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it because I queefed?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
