My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
