need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
