watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
