If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you win again, gameday.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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