I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
