Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
