I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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