wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
