he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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