I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
