I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
tonight lets celebrate not being married
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
