tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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