She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
