My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im holly from the hills drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
