I accidentally had phone sex last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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