That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
