Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
