dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
