3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
