this boner is exhausting
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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