i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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