When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
