sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
