Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
