Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
