It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
